Edwin felt like he was fighting for his sanity. Day by day. Step by step.
His new insight into boundaries seemed to start internally pushing him. He felt he was under psychological attack. Just what the hell was going on?
The next note arrived a month later. A bigger delay than normal as though he was being given time to be stretched further and further. But to where?
“The Threshold has been Crossed.
Outer has become Inner.
The War is now Internal.”
It now seemed that his life was in synchronization with the notes. Or was someone watching him? He looked outside the front door to see if anyone was around. Nothing. No one. It needed a distinct effort of will to stop himself becoming paranoiac.
There were a fair few capital letters in this note.
As. If. Every. Word. Was. Important.
His life was becoming more stressed, but since his conversation with Quentin he was finding a calmer way through the tangle of everyday living. But he felt he was splitting apart, the different parts of himself coming away from each other like the segments of an opened orange.
His thoughts were getting a life of their own, and taking wing. His feelings were swimming all over the place. The only rock in this realm of air and water was his will as he learnt to hold it all together by its strength.
Yet the insights in the notes were now starting to give him a glimpse of another world. One that was calmer, more sane – A shining realm of clear thought – like that moment in the pub with Quentin. His experience was starting to connect with the words from the notes. As though the author had already paced along the same path he was walking. And just occasionally, for a moment at a time, he would connect to the light, as if he had been looking at shadows all his life and was only just starting to truly come home.
A Threshold? It sounded a bit dramatic, but it did feel like he was crossing some internal boundary. And he knew instinctively this was going to get worse and he was going to need all the strength of will he could gather in order to hold himself whole.
An Internal War.
And Edwin was the battlefield.
© Charles Tolman 2012.