The Ultimate Evil

The divine inner spark
Hidden in the dark
Too easy to bury
Too easy to believe its unworth
It happens all the time

For how many years
Have I listened to my fears.
Crush It
Cover It
Bury It deep
Deep
Down in a subterranean hole

Don’t allow people to see
Suppress the childhood glee
Forget that its there
With the help of the external illusion
This buzzing confusion

The man chasing skirt
Covering up
Just how much it truly does hurt
This eternal search
Love
Out there
Somewhere?

When all along
The truth is inside
If only I can find
The inner faith
In myself
My Whole self
Push away the fear of
Alone

How can I love another
If I don’t even bother
To find me
I.
Then no intimacy there
Nothing inner to share

Its taken me years
To break the cast
And realize at last
Now is the time
To stop the crime
The ultimate evil.

Follow the Blue
The clear of the sky
The light over dark
And see
There – there in the centre
Something clean
Pristine
Inviolate
Inviolable
Formidable!

A vista before me
That’s really scary
Do I hold that much power?
What if I fail?
Make a fool of myself.
Can I wield such a knife?
In this real jihad – this inner strife.

The fear of getting it wrong
Not being strong
Enough
To bear this light
This fire
Is burning me anyway
Threatening to take me entire.

But I cannot sit here!
A shriveling
Ashen
Wreck
Its time to find the child
Who is not scared to play
Yes – and get it wrong
For truly
Truly
That is where I belong.

© Charles Tolman November 2014

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