“Your world has been Split,
But can you see it as one?
And feel the stream of Wholeness,
Wash the hurt and conflict away.”
Since his visit to his mother, Edwin’s internal war had intensified as though the revelations about her had caused his whole inner world to fall into a deeper chaotic state.
Edwin was falling apart. He could physically feel the Split inside him.
And then another note turned up just at the point when he felt most vulnerable. It was a dull Monday morning – again. Why did so many of these notes turn up on Mondays? He felt awful and crumpled the note in his hands as feelings he thought were under control hit him like a mobile brick wall. He collapsed against the front door and the tears streamed down his face as his defences gave way.
In a quiet inner space he could actually FEEL the imagination of the truth of the words and the tears echoed his sadness about not feeling Whole for many a year. Not since he was a small child.
After a while a loud left-brain voice berated him, telling him that this must STOP!
And then the doorbell rang.
“Hello!” A hand opened the letterbox. “Is anyone there?”
It was a girl’s voice. Edwin mumbled something approaching an apology and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, dried his eyes with the ever present kitchen tissue he always had, and opened the door. “Yes? What do you want?”
“Err. I live across the way and this letter was delivered to my house by mistake.” A pause as she took in his appearance. “Are you alright?”
Edwin found himself looking into a pretty face with blue eyes and blond hair parted in the middle, which faded to brown at the roots. He stood there mute, managing to blurt out the hastily created phrase “Sorry. Just got some bad news. – Family” to cover his awkwardness.
“Oh. Right. Sorry to hear that. I hope everything will be alright. Well – here is your letter. Sorry – it looks like a bill. I’ll be on my way.” And with that she handed the letter to him, turned and started walking away.
Girls – Oh Hell. Or rather, Oh HELP!
He was useless with girls.
The adolescent voices of derision from the past bloomed in his mind like a crowd of paparazzi appearing out of nowhere. He summoned all his courage, fought back, ignoring them and blurted out “Would you like a quick cuppa?”
YES! He had won!
This was the first time he had ever been able to find some words, any words, to try and extend a connection with a girl. She stopped and looked over her shoulder, raising one eyebrow as she considered the offer, checked her watch, then shrugged and smiled saying “Yes, as long as you have Earl Grey.”
Edwin dashed back into the house, ransacked the kitchen and found some old Earl Grey teabags in a black box at the back of the cupboard. He ran back to the front door and almost knocked the girl down in his eagerness to prove that, yes, he had Earl Grey tea, and yes, this would justify her staying.
He invited her in with a lighter heart and in that time honoured English fashion put the kettle on.
© Charles Tolman 2013.